Wanted: Daniel Jackson For The Murder Of Jack O'Neill

by Gateroller

URL: http://stargateslash.com/asg/gateroller/wanted.php
Summary: A little mutual teasing

"I spoke very highly of you to the Russian military liaison officer, Jack, you'd be proud of me," Daniel said conversationally as he and his team mate left the base for the night.

"You did what?" O'Neill asked, his eyebrows shaking hands with his hairline.

"And after the meeting with the leader of the Tok'ra Supreme High Council I managed to get a quick word with him and told him what a great field tactician you are."

Jack stared at his companion as they reached his truck. "Of course, you know I sing your praises to everyone I meet, Jack. It's important to make friends and influence people, you know that."

Narrowing his eyes, Jack continued to glare at Daniel and as if the archaeologist hadn't quite finished reminding the colonel just how much of a reputation he had among Earth's allies and others, he took a deep breath and continued.

"Oh, and that new colonel, the one with the Marines, um...Colonel..."

"Jar Head?" snapped O'Neill.

"Yes, well...ah, anyway I told him what a brave and courageous pilot you are and how you can outwit the enemy at every turn."

"For cryin' out loud, Daniel!" O'Neill all but yelled. "Don'tcha see what you're doing?"

Daniel gave Jack an evil little smile. He knew what he was doing. "Singing..."

"Yeah, well don't, okay? No singing, Daniel, not even a note," the colonel went on, waggling his finger in front of the archaeologist's nose.

"But..."

"No, not even a crotchet," Jack said threateningly, "or a minim or a semi-quaver."

"Why can't I tell people how smart you are, Jack? You're intelligent, clever and above all you're sharp. What's so bad about that?" Daniel asked his brows furrowed like a well-pressed pleat.

"Because," Jack replied scrubbing his hand through his hair, "I have spent a lifetime and a half building my reputation as a dumb Jack not a clever one. Now people will clam up when they see me and that means they'll be on their guard and that means they won't trust me. I've been careful to give everyone the impression that I'm just a smart ass, not a smart ass because then they don't see me sizing them up. You've just done a very good job of killing my rep, Daniel. Tell me, since when did you major in character assassination?"

Daniel could see that O'Neill was pretty pissed but he wasn't sorry. He'd always felt that Jack never quite got the respect he was due and the archaeologist was trying to shift the balance in Jack's favour a little.

"You will murder my reputation if you keep talking me up, Daniel," Jack groused and pulled his car keys out of his pocket.

"I'm sorry, Jack I thought I was helping," Daniel replied quietly. He liked to play games with Jack every now and again because the payback was always interesting.

"Just get in," O'Neill muttered as he rammed the key into the ignition and revved the engine hard out of temper and frustration. He knew Daniel was trying to be helpful but it wouldn't benefit the way he operated, it would just make it more difficult.

They spent the journey from the Mountain to Daniel's apartment in silence, Jack giving Daniel the evil eye and Daniel feeling like he was being scrutinised by it. Since they'd got their act together and entered into a sexual relationship, their oral intercourse still generated the sparks to fly between them but now they both knew that once behind closed doors, they could move on from the word foreplay to the full on, rolling on the bed and gasping towards completion foreplay.

Jack slid a glance at his lover and smiled. "You know I'm not really mad at you?"

Nodding, Daniel smiled back. "I know and I understand. You need to be able to exercise your um...modus operandi."

Licking his lips, Jack grinned. "I love it when you talk dirty," he leered making Daniel roll his eyes and laugh.

-o-

Daniel opened the door to his apartment and entered, closely followed by Jack.

"I won't be a minute, Jack. Just need to get changed and pack a bag and we can be on our way," the archaeologist called as he made his way down the hall to his bedroom.

Jack watched Daniel's ass and felt a frisson of excitement lance through his body to settle groaningly at his groin. Glancing around Daniel's living room he smiled, remembering all the different places and positions they had used to consummate their relationship. He looked fondly at the couch and let his memory fill his mind with a flashback of the first time he'd bent Daniel over the arm and filled him, making him howl as he came. Then there was the time when Daniel had pushed Jack up against the wall and fingered him until he'd exploded. He remembered laughing when Daniel had informed him that the paint was entirely washable because with his semen splattered all over, it was just as well.

As his dark brown eyes roved around the room he saw Daniel's fish tank and went over to switch on the light. He liked watching the fish swimming around though he couldn't think why. When he was a kid his dentist had a fish tank and as he hated the dentist he should have hated the fish but he didn't and besides, they were Daniel's fish so that made them special, even if he never actually admitted it to his lover.

Then he frowned as he leaned in to watch. There was a decidedly dead goldfish floating on the surface of the water.

"Daniel, you'd better take a look at this," Jack called wondering how Daniel would take it. He didn't spend a lot of time in his apartment but he did have a very soft spot for his fish.

Extending his index finger, Jack pointed to the tank. "Think your carp has croaked, Danny."

"Oh no," Daniel said sadly peering at the dead goldfish. "I must have forgotten to feed it."

"Well judging by the size of it and the fact that the food tub is empty I'd say you overfed it not starved it," Jack said helpfully.

"I'm so sorry"

"It can't hear you, Daniel," Jack said gently.

"No, I mean I'm sorry for you," the archaeologist said enigmatically.

"Huh?"

"The fish, I called it Jack O'Neill," Daniel went on.

"You named your fish after me?" asked Jack incredulously.

"Well, yeah, after the Asgard ship with your name took a dive I renamed the goldfish as a kind of compensation."

"You named your fish after me?"

"I was trying to keep the hope for humanity alive, Jack."

"But you killed it!"

Scrunching up his brow, shoving his hands in his pockets and shrugging, Daniel reached for the little net and scooped up the body of Jack O'Neill. He felt so guilty and then idly wondered if he should get a replacement. If he did he decided not to name it after his lover, he didn't want to jinx the man he loved in any way at all. Perhaps he would call it Budge instead or Mackenzie or even Kinsey. Sighing he disposed of the fish.

"Do you realise you've killed me twice today?" Jack said, his voice serious but the expression on his face was playful.

"Sorry, Jack. At least I get to have the real one," the archaeologist grinned and Jack found himself being very thoroughly kissed.

-o-

Jack was thinking about Daniel's fish and the attempts to assassinate his character in front of his peers and figured that maybe Daniel deserved just a little gentle payback. Staring at the computer screen in his office he began to type...

As Sam and Teal'c turned into the commissary to meet Jack and Daniel for lunch, something on the staff notice board caught her eye. Grabbing her colleague's arm she stared wide-eyed at the poster, it read

WANTED: Daniel Jackson for the murder of Jack O'Neill

She squinted at the tiny letters underneath. Carpe diem and not the fish food.

-o-

"Jack, how could you do that?" Daniel whined. "I've spent all afternoon trying to explain to people about the fish, made all the more difficult because it was named after you."

"Payback's a bitch 'ain't it?" Jack quipped as he brushed his teeth.

"And carpe diem? That is such a bad pun," Daniel muttered as he turned down the bedcovers, waiting for his lover to complete his ablutions.

"There's nothing wrong with seizing the day," Jack murmured swilling out his mouth.

Silently Daniel tiptoed into the bathroom and stood behind Jack sliding his hands around his lover's waist to fondle his soft and dormant penis.

"Whoa, Danny. Didn't hear you come in," Jack breathed, leaning his head back against Daniel's shoulder.

"I'm not as interested in seizing the day as I am in seizing the dick," Daniel purred, stroking Jack to hardness.

Jack smiled at his reflection in the mirror and that of his lover. Just as well he didn't actually write what he'd wanted to on that poster...

WANTED: Daniel Jackson for the fucking of Jack O'Neill.

Ooooh noooooo, definitely not. If Daniel knew what he was thinking he probably would murder him.

The End